Random Book Talk

Hey and welcome to 'diaryofanoverthinker'. Today, I’m continuing with this series — even though I’ve posted bookish content before, it wasn’t under this name. And honestly, I loveee diving deep into the details of a book and then just casually slapping on the title "Random Book Talk", so you have no idea what book I’m rambling about until you actually listen.

So sit back, relax, and enjoy me yapping away about yet another book

(also there will be spoilers sooo after you see the book name do not read further)I


What Book

Soo, the books I’m going to be talking about today are If He Had Been with Me and If Only I Had Told Her.

I had been putting off reading these for a while because I kept seeing soooo many mixed reviews, and I honestly wasn’t sure if they were worth the emotional damage but I’m so glad I finally picked them up. That said, I still have pretty mixed feelings about them myself.

So yeah, for those of you who have been living under a rock:
If He Had Been with Me is about childhood best friends Autumn and Finny, who grew up side by side literally, as next-door neighbors. Over the years, they slowly drift apart in high school. Autumn becomes more introverted and artsy, while Finny is outgoing and athletic.

The story is told from Autumn’s perspective as she reflects on what was, what could have been, and the ache of missed chances. And just when they finally get their moment  he dies. She’s left with this crushing feeling that if she had just been with him sooner… maybe he’d still be alive.

Then there’s the second book, If Only I Had Told Her, which is told from three different POVs:

  1. Finny — the day before he dies
  2. Jack — Finny’s best friend
  3. Autumn — in the aftermath of his death

This book dives deeper into how Finny’s death impacts the people around him, and how each of them tries (and struggles) to move on. It gave so much more depth to the story and honestly changed a lot of my original opinions from the first book but more on that later (yes, I totally stole that line from none other than Teddy Westside).


If He Had Been With Me

Okay, so I absolutely loved this book. Plus, I read it on a cold, rainy day while I was home from school, just curled up in bed and honestly, that added so much to the vibe. The whole experience just hit differently because of that atmosphere.

I completely adored this book, especially Autumn’s character. I so related to her whole “weird girl who doesn’t really belong” thing because that’s literally who I am, and who I’ve been since I was little. Like sure, she eventually finds her group of weird friends, but even then, she kind of has to be their type of weird and not just fully herself. I got that. I really got that. And it made me love the story even more.

I also liked Jamie for most of the book. Yes, he was petty and a bit mean at times, but honestly, he was just a teenager. The fact that he was flawed made his character feel realistic and I love characters like that. But then... the ending. I get why people hated him. Cheating on your girlfriend of four (I think?) years with her best friend and then waiting weeks to break up with her? That’s messed up.

But then again… Autumn and Finny kind of did the same thing to Sylvie. And sure, Autumn wasn’t her best friend, but it was still wrong. Sylvie didn’t deserve that, no matter what.

That said I devoured every little Autumn and Finny moment I could get. They were just so adorable, and don’t even get me started on how sweet Finny was. Like, painfully sweet. I absolutely loved his character. He honestly felt like the only one who was fully fictional, in the sense that he was almost too perfect up until the end when he cheated on Sylvie, which was definitely a shock. That was really the first major flaw we saw from him, and it hit hard.

Also, I loved the scenes with Finny, Jack, and Autumn even though there were only a couple, they were some of my favorites. And can we talk about Jack for a second? Because I absolutely adored him too.

I also loved the foreshadowing throughout the book like how Finny’s mom was always worrying about him getting into a car crash, and how Autumn just had this gut feeling and didn’t want him to leave that night. It all built up so slowly and subtly, and then when it actually happened… it just hit so much harder. The signs were there, but you still hope it won’t happen and then it does. It was heartbreaking.

And what made it even more painful for me was the irony of it all. It wasn’t the car crash itself that killed him it was his kindness. Like, the fact that he got out of the car to check on Sylvie and then died. That absolutely wrecked me. He was sweet and selfless to the end, and somehow that made his death even more unfair.


If Only I Had Told Her

This book completely changed my perspective on Autumn and even more so on Autumn and Finny as a pair.

From Autumn’s POV in the first book, yes, cheating on Sylvie was wrong. And hating on Sylvie just because she was with Finny? Also wrong. I understood why Autumn felt that way, but that doesn’t make it okay.

But then, in Finny’s POV, you start to realize something deeper: almost every mistake or questionable choice he made was somehow tied back to Autumn. And usually, I don’t like the idea of blaming someone else for your own actions. Honestly, I’ve never really bought into “peer pressure” as an excuse because at the end of the day, you always have a choice. It might not be easy, but it’s still a choice.

That’s why I’m not saying it’s all Autumn’s fault Finny still chose to cheat, and that’s on him. But what really struck me was how much he changed for her. He would turn his entire world upside down just to stay close to her, to please her, or to keep some kind of connection alive. And at a certain point, it felt… toxic. Like, her pull on him wasn’t just emotional it was consuming. Reading his POV right before he died made that really clear, and then seeing it from Jack’s perspective just confirmed it. Jack never outright said it was toxic, but I think deep down, he saw it too.

Another thing that hit me: in the first book, I thought Finny’s relationship with Sylvie was kind of like Autumn’s with Jamie like, they cared about them, but it wasn’t the same kind of deep connection they had with each other. But in If Only I Had Told Her, I realized that Finny actually loved Sylvie a lot more than I originally thought. Way more than Autumn loved Jamie, for sure.

And honestly? I feel like Sylvie was a better match for Finny. I ended up liking Sylvie way more than I liked Autumn, especially after seeing her through Finny’s eyes. She was kind, genuine, and grounded and she didn’t pull him in conflicting directions.Sure she had her issues that caused some havoc but she was working on it and taking it seriously.

As for Jack I loved his POV. His running scenes were some of my absolute favorites. The way he kept running and working out while his mind was spinning, like he was trying to outrun his grief it was powerful. I really admired how he grieved. He suffered, but he also tried to take care of himself and keep moving forward. Even when he wasn’t connecting with anyone, he didn’t fully shut down. And his connection with his new roommate? That part added so much depth. I loved that scene and everything it represented.

All that said, I still felt for Autumn. Her POV was heartbreaking, and even though it took her a long time to move on, I’m glad she eventually did. Her perspective gave the story a sense of closure. It felt like the emotional release the reader needed like, okay, it’s over now. I can breathe.


Overall

Overall, this was such an amazing read I genuinely enjoyed every second of it, even though I ended up not shipping the main characters in the end. But honestly? That didn’t take away from the experience at all, because I still loved every single character.

Like, I am begging for a novella maybe one from Sylvie’s POV, or even something with Sylvie and Jack. I just want more. I want to know their backstories, their thoughts, their healing journeys everything. They were both so layered and interesting, and I would absolutely devour anything that lets me see the world through their eyes.


Anyways I hope you enjoyed this blog even though I'm pretty sure my insight is not something anyone expected but I hope you enjoyed it regardless. I also hope everyones Term 4 is going smoothly and I wish you all the bets for Term 4 and the exams that come with it.

Until next timee

Byeee<333